Basic Rant (Don’t Read)

March 4, 2023

2:15 AM

Dear Reader,

I was going to write this in my google docs, where it would never see the light of day.

But then I thought might as well write in public.

You might benefit from what I have to say. Or if not, at least enjoy reading it.

Yesterday night, my brother and I were chilling in my room. I was practicing Ranbir Kapoor’s new step from his latest song. I had been practicing it in fact for a couple of days. It is only a plain old shuffle, but for some reason I wasn’t getting the hang of it.

I was trying hard, but I just wasn’t getting the rhythm correctly. Some 5 minutes went by and I was getting increasingly annoyed but far from giving up. I was going to do it all night, if that’s what it took to get it right. Suddenly bro points out —

“Bhaiya dance to thik hai, par itna frustrate kyu ho rahe ho?”

“Dancing is alright, but what are you getting all worked up for?”

It was a simple question, and I’m sure he didn’t think much of it. But it stopped me right in my tracks. He was right.

This is what I do.

This is what I always do.

I always get worked up over such little things which are supposed to be leisurely activities, and in the process, I take the fun out of them. And then I wonder why nothing is fun anymore.

I do this with gaming. I do this with writing. I do this with martial arts. (And I know I am not alone in this)

And this is precisely why I have quit them again and again. Because what good are leisure activities if they aren’t fun? Work is quite enough to tire you out.

Shree Krishn (NOT “Krishna”. Krishn. And I’ll die on this hill) said, — “Attachment leads to anger.”

And I suppose I am attached to the results. Indeed, too attached for my own good.

And of course, this isn’t the way.

I shouldn’t be attached to the results. Results are merely to set the direction of your work. If I am to be attached, I should be so with the process.

Stoic like a motherfucker, I should aspire to be.

Anyway, all of these thoughts crossed my mind in a matter of few seconds. Not in a well-formed manner, of course, but in a vague, raw format. I’m only articulating them now.

Took a deep breath, tried for another 5–10 minutes, but this time with a smile, and just trying to enjoy it. And what do you know, I made instant progress! Not as good as RK, of course, but surely a lot better than me 5 minutes before.

Welp, that’s all for the night rant.

If there are logical inconsitencies, pardon my sleepy ass.

Oyasumi